Wenn du den fol­gen­den Text für dei­ne Schü­ler anpas­sen möch­test, kannst du dir die Datei (doc) hier her­un­ter­la­den.

Topic: The Inter­net – A Dan­ge­rous Addic­tion?

Title doesn’t refer to / fit main part.

Tit­le: Stair­way to Addic­tion (cf. Led Zep­pe­lin: Stair­way to Hea­ven)

Main part claims that Inter­net is NOT addic­tive.

Introduction doesn’t introduce the topic.

Recent­ly a young man died after he had play­ed an online game for several days wit­hout almost any inter­rup­ti­on. This cau­sed a con­tro­ver­si­al deba­te.

Introduction only announces what the writer is going to do.

In the fol­lo­wing I’m going to dis­cuss whe­ther the Inter­net can lead to dan­ge­rous addic­tion.

Introduction introduces different  topic.

Recent­ly a young man died after he had play­ed an online game for several days wit­hout almost any inter­rup­ti­on. This cau­sed a con­tro­ver­si­al deba­te about the ques­ti­on whe­ther cer­tain online games should be pro­hi­bi­ted.

Main part: No topic sentence.

Wrong: First of all on sites like PokerStars.com you can lose a lot of money.

First of all online games can be high­ly addic­tive. On sites like PokerStars.com you can lose a lot of money, becau­se you easi­ly lose track of how much money you’ve alrea­dy lost. […]

Main part: Topic sentence doesn’t fit the following examples.

First of all online games can be high­ly addic­tive. Some peop­le for examp­le feel a strong pres­su­re to check their email all the time. […]

Main part: More than one aspect / topic per paragraph.

First of all online games can be high­ly addic­tive. On sites like PokerStars.com you can lose a lot of money, becau­se you easi­ly lose track of how much money you’ve alrea­dy lost. Also chat rooms can be very addic­tive, becau­se …

Conclusion doesn’t fit introduction and/or main part.

Main part: There’s a serious dan­ger of addic­tion

Con­clu­si­on: All in all you can say that the dan­gers of addic­tion are great­ly exa­g­ge­ra­ted.

Conclusion is a pure repetition of main part.

Final­ly online games can be high­ly addic­tive. […]

All in all you can say that online games can be high­ly addic­tive.

Conclusion presents new argument.

All in all I think that the dan­gers of addic­tion are great­ly exa­g­ge­ra­ted. For examp­le online games in gene­ral don’t make peop­le addic­ted. […]